Surviving Mother's Day

I have been battling infertility for over 3 years now.  A friend of mine asked me this week in what way she can support me for the upcoming holiday? Mother's Day.  She sent me a link to a helpful blog post of facts vs. myths of infertility, and especially how churches can help rather than hurt the mommies- in- waiting on this Sunday.   It is helpful for those loved ones who want to know how to respond to those of us who are 'fertility challenged' or as I call us, 'moms in the making.'  http://blogs.bible.org/tapestry/sandra_glahn/prep_for_mothers_day_infertility_facts__some_advice_


But it made me think about how I cannot control what others think or say, and I know people never are trying to be ugly.  I needed something for myself, my own survival guide to this Day.  My theme verse for this blog, the verse that quickly and repeatedly comes to mind, is John 14:27.  Jesus told his disciples:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." 

Let me be clear, mothers deserve this day in the sun!  They deserve special recognition for all they do and provide!  However, while the world sings praises and accolades to our fertile friends and those veteran women bearing the battle scars from their past war against infertility, we are viewed as the poor ladies to feel sorry for.  While the former receives flowers, and showered with gifts from children and dads, we receive the sad, pathetic looks of "maybe next year, honey."

That is what the world gives.  BUT PRAISE GOD, that is NOT what HE gives!



1. EVERYTHING starts with your thought life! It all starts there.  THINK about what you are thinking about.  Scripture tells us to take every thought captive, not to be bullied around by them or believe it is true just because you think it.  Think of the source, and then decide if it is true or not.  Hint: Most of my feelings and emotions at this point are highly deceptive!  Most of the time, I can feel forgotten, barren, and that something is wrong with me and me and Zach.  But, I know based on evidence of God's word to me, that how I feel is not always true.  God says, (and I am paraphrasing here) He thinks more thoughts toward me than grains of sand on the earth, that He leaves no woman barren, and that He created me in His image and likeness, so how could there be something wrong with me?  (Note: I am not talking about sinlessness, no, I am a sinner made righteous only by Jesus' work on the cross, but I am talking about something different here- that I am somehow defective or 'being punished' is untrue)

2.  God has shown us clearly that those of us in Christ share in a lineage of women, deemed infertile by society and by all appearances to be barren, but He HONORED, Yes God honored, these women by placing their names and personal stories in the most read book in the world today.  The Bible accounts at least five women (maybe more-it could be argued that Ruth and Esther struggled with infertility) by name.  Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth. These women are heroins to both Jews and Christians. All of these women have their personal faith stories told, and their children become highly important in the historical account of our faith.  Their children grow up and lead God's people in mighty ways.  God has a funny way of lifting up and honoring the folks that everyone in the world would look down on or feel sorry for.  And as I look around me, I can see He is doing the same today.  My story may not be in a book everyone is reading, but God sees.  And I view it as an honor and privalege to suffer in this way for God's glory.  I pray it does bring Him the glory.

3.  Remember what God has done for me in the past, and look forward to the future.  God lifted me out of darkness into the light. I was lost, but now I am found.  I was blind, but now I see! While assurance of my salvation is incomparable, God loves to bless His children here on earth! I prayed for a good husband, and he hand delivered the Zachster. hehe.  I believe based on this and based on His word, that He is setting things up to deliver me from childlessness. In our instant gratification mode of life, 3+ years sounds unbearably long.  It can feel that way.  Again, it can definitely feel that way, and I acknowledge those feelings but I don't allow them to take me down.  At least not for long.  Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

4.  Count your blessings.  A friend of Zach's commented on a picture of us in Cancun recently, "business must be good." Yes.  Actually.  Business is good.  We are blessed with good financial security at the present time.  We get to enjoy a few luxuries in life.  I have a FANTASTIC husband!  Ya'll, just, yeah, he is my true love.  We have great family, great friends.

So how can I feel sorry for myself??

5. Last, remember others.  I pray for other people in their struggles.  Everyone is dealing with something difficult, and if you are not, just wait.  Our struggle is infertility.  For others, it might be a marriage falling apart, or joblessness or financial struggles, or health problems or loneliness. These are real things and big things.  Getting outside of myself is sometimes the best thing I can do for myself, if that makes sense.  God calls us to love others. Love is a verb.  Whether it's bringing a meal to a family or praying for someone, it is something I actively do that is not about me and my next medical treatment, nutritional supplement, time of the month, or whatever.  In a world covered with thoughts and activities of fertility and wanting my children sometimes the best thing to do is step outside of that world into someone else's.    (And, also celebrate other's good news, blessings, and joys!)


6. Oh yeah, and I told Zach he can get me flowers!

So back to John 14:27.  If we study the verse, what Jesus says is, He gives us peace-not what the world gives-but what He gives.  And I am not to be troubled or afraid.  My prayer is you experience that same peace.