This month marks 3 years of infertility. I don't believe infertility is directly from God, because God gives only good gifts to His children, but I do believe He has used these past 3 years without child to give me the greatest gift of all. More of Himself.
From the first year, when I screamed, "Father God, what are you doing? Why?" And He pointed me directly to Jesus in the Garden, crying out for this cup to be taken from Him. You, my daughter, are getting to know my Son more deeply.
And the life, the fullness of Christ's presence, God poured into me, welling up inside me!
To the failed IUIs when the Holy Spirit of God, my Helper, counseled me: "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in your weakness." That verse became way more real for me, and it continues to be a precious gift of God's promise.
To having the ability and openness in going to India to serve His people there, and experience another country, learn how God's light is shining all over the world in the midst of darkness.
To the most recent: The desire you have to hold your baby in your arms, is the desire I had as I waited for you to run into my arms. God longs for us! His love for His children is like a deep ache, that I will never fully comprehend, but now I have such an experience of that longing.
And so many priceless lessons in between that I would not give back, ever.
This week, I began a 40 day journey. A fast, of sorts. I have been feeling God's pull for me to give up caffeine. Completely. Some of you might say if that was something you needed to do, then why have you waited this long? Well, maybe I am not as strong or faithful as you are. There is no guarantee that this change will result in pregnancy. In fact, medically speaking, it has nothing to do with it.
Our couples small group is studying the prophet Jonah, you know, the one with the whale?
It wasn't so much Jonah, it was the people of Nineveh that caught my attention. The Ninevites were scary folks. Historically known as violent, prideful people. When Jonah walked into their city the first day to warn them of God's pending wrath and over-throw of their great city, it says, "The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth."(v5)
In short, they humbled themselves, repented, and fasted. The king declares in verse 9, "Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish."
I want to reiterate that I know our infertility is not a punishment or God's wrath. But what stands out to me, is these people had no idea if all the fasting and sackclothing was going to change things, but they did it anyway. In both situations, God is in control, God is on His throne and He rightly deserves all the glory! God had compassion on the Ninevites, and He changed their fate, God wants to pour out His love and mercy on us, and it always brings life.
My sweet, dear friend, Sarah shared with Zach and I that she gave up Dr. Peppers (which she loves!) and every time she wants one she told us she prays for us to have a baby! I couldn't believe someone would do that for us!
So, it's go time. It's time for Satan to back off! I am following the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Joseph! The God man who is Jesus who came in flesh, died for me, and then physically, biologically, heart and blood began to pump again, and once was dead but is now alive! The God who raised Lazarus from the dead, who healed person after person and so many throughout history! He is healing us now, and I believe He will make Zach and I well and He will fill our house with children!
Daniel 3:17-18 "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, O king, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you set up."
There is a popular song out right now by Natalie Grant some of the lyrics go:
I will stubble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved.
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved!
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!
I will not be moved!
Stand back, it's montage time... not sure it will wrap up in the course of one song though! So, hang in there with me!
In reality, this journey is about an attitude adjustment for me.
Romans 12:1 directs us to give our bodies to God, and that is what I am doing here.
Our couples small group is studying the prophet Jonah, you know, the one with the whale?
It wasn't so much Jonah, it was the people of Nineveh that caught my attention. The Ninevites were scary folks. Historically known as violent, prideful people. When Jonah walked into their city the first day to warn them of God's pending wrath and over-throw of their great city, it says, "The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth."(v5)
In short, they humbled themselves, repented, and fasted. The king declares in verse 9, "Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish."
I want to reiterate that I know our infertility is not a punishment or God's wrath. But what stands out to me, is these people had no idea if all the fasting and sackclothing was going to change things, but they did it anyway. In both situations, God is in control, God is on His throne and He rightly deserves all the glory! God had compassion on the Ninevites, and He changed their fate, God wants to pour out His love and mercy on us, and it always brings life.
My sweet, dear friend, Sarah shared with Zach and I that she gave up Dr. Peppers (which she loves!) and every time she wants one she told us she prays for us to have a baby! I couldn't believe someone would do that for us!
So, it's go time. It's time for Satan to back off! I am following the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Joseph! The God man who is Jesus who came in flesh, died for me, and then physically, biologically, heart and blood began to pump again, and once was dead but is now alive! The God who raised Lazarus from the dead, who healed person after person and so many throughout history! He is healing us now, and I believe He will make Zach and I well and He will fill our house with children!
Daniel 3:17-18 "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, O king, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you set up."
There is a popular song out right now by Natalie Grant some of the lyrics go:
I will stubble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved.
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache, but I will not be moved!
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!
I will not be moved!
Stand back, it's montage time... not sure it will wrap up in the course of one song though! So, hang in there with me!
