Funny how this works...

Even though today is February 21, I turned to February 23 in the Jesus Calling book today.  Guess God knew I needed to read this one a day early.


"Be on guard against the pit of self-pity.  When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face.  Don't even go near the edge of the pit.  Its edges crumble easily, and before you know it, you are on the way down.  It is ever so much harder to get out of the pit than to keep a safe distance from it.  That is why I tell you to be on guard.  
There are several ways to protect yourself from self-pity.  When you are occupied with praising and thanking Me, it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself.  Also, the closer you live to Me, the more distance there is between you and the pit.  Live in the Light of My Presence by fixing your eyes on Me.  Then you will be able to run with endurance the race that is set before you, without stumbling or falling.  "

(Psalm 89:15-16; Hebrews 12:1-2)


Yesterday, we found out that my siscuz (like a sister, but really a cousin, we made it up when we were 8 and it stuck), Abean (Adrienne), is having a baby boy!  I am honestly excited for her.  And excited to be a auntcuz!  When I told Zach about it, he asked, "If you could choose, what would you rather, have a boy or a girl?"

That was hard to answer.

"I feel like that question is a luxury we can not afford right now." I replied.

It feels like someone asking me if I would like my personal jet to color coordinate with my yacht.

Questions like how many children do you want?  Or, wouldn't you rather get pregnant so the baby is born after the cut off date for school enrollment?  Yeah, like I have any control over these things at this point.

I am not saying all this to invoke pity, or that I feel sorry for myself, I just am realizing how my expectations have changed and really how much I need God in all this.

My friend, Taneal sent me the perfect verse.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 

Today, I am having a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) procedure.  The doctor injects blue ink into my uterus and then takes an x-ray.  It may help with fertility too.  It is a slightly uncomfortable procedure.  I doubt Paul was thinking of HSG when he wrote about 'light and momentary troubles' to the Corinthians, but I believe God is achieving His eternal glory in all this.  And that gives me joy.  Today, I feel joy that God is working in me!